Sticky negative thoughts

Our minds tend to hold onto negative thoughts and concentrate on them, making it difficult to see the bright side. We're more inclined to focus on the negative because our ancestors used to look for predators (the negative/the danger) so they could defend themselves/escape, and our minds have evolved with this habit intact.^[1]

Studies have shown if you describe a situation to people and frame it negatively, it will stick in their minds as a bad situation. Then, if you were to tell them the positive side of it, they would still interpret the situation negatively.^[1]

Negative thoughts stick in our minds. The good news is we can train our minds to look at the positive side, with some effort and practice.^[1]

Types of negative thinking and ways to overcome them^[2][3]

All or nothing thinking occurs when we think in extremes by using words like never, always or every.
Example: When we engage in all or nothing thinking we may say/think: “You're never happy with anything I do.” OR “I always fail.” We see things, situations and/or people as good or bad, right or wrong, and we don't realize it's not always one or the other, there is a middle ground or grey area.

Tip to reduce all or nothing thinking:

Try to think of times when these statements were not true — for example if you think: he/she is always criticizing me — challenge yourself to think of times this person has not criticized you, and you may even challenge yourself to think of a time they may have praised you/supported you.

We overgeneralize when we experience a negative situation once and we expect it to keep happening over and over again.
Example: If someone goes to a job interview but doesn't get the job, they may think: I didn't get this job, I'm never going to get a job. They are overgeneralizing by thinking they will never get a job because one company didn't hire them.

Tip to minimize overgeneralization:
We all experience some sort of negative events in our lives. However, we can learn from them instead of thinking they are an indication of how the rest of our experiences will turn out. For instance, if you didn't get a job after an interview, instead of thinking: I'll never get a job challenge yourself to think something along the lines of: that was a good experience which I can learn from and apply those lessons to making my future interviews more successful.

We use mental filters when we only focus on the negative part of a situation and don't take into consideration any of the positive parts. We keep thinking about what went wrong.
Example: Someone might have a good day at work, followed by a great dinner with their friends and after dinner they find a small scratch on their car that wasn't there before. They keep focusing on the scratch and forget about the rest of the good things that happened in their day.

Tip to overcome mental filters:

Keep a gratitude journal^[4]

• 1) In a notebook write down at least five things for which you are grateful that day.


• 2) Make sure you actually write down what you're grateful for, don't do this exercise in your head.


• 3) The list doesn't have to include any major events, it could include anything that you're grateful for. Some things to keep in mind when writing:
  • a) Be specific — Don't just write that you're grateful for something/someone, explain why and how that thing or person makes you grateful. For example, instead of writing: I'm grateful for my mom, explain how your mom made you feel grateful that day, such as: I'm grateful for my mom for bringing me chicken soup because I had a cold.
  
  
  • b) Try to make your list personal — Writing about people/pets/objects with whom we have a personal connection is more meaningful than writing about things with whom you don't have a connection.
  
  
  • c) Write about how your day would have turned out if that thing didn't happen. This allows you to be grateful for the negative things that you avoided, prevented or turned into something positive. Don't take the good things that have happened for granted.
  
  
  • d) Think of the good things that happened in your day as gifts.
  
  
  • e) It's okay to be grateful for the same thing/person each day but try to explain why that thing or person made you feel grateful that specific day.
  
  
  • f) Write on a regular basis - schedule time each day or 2-3 days a week to write in your gratitude journal.

Disqualifying the positive - We reduce the importance of positive events/people in our lives when we think: they don't count.
Example: I got a job offer, but I only got it because someone else turned it down. By thinking the positive events in our life don't count, we focus only on the negative because we're giving the negative events all of our attention.

Tips to overcome disqualifying the positive :
Keep a gratitude journal (see above for tips)
Create to-do lists to recognize how productive your day has been.

We jump to conclusions when we think something bad is going to happen without having real evidence for making that conclusion. We jump to conclusions in two common ways:
a) Mind reading: We automatically assume someone has a negative view of us without looking into it. Example: Someone who is mind reading might say: “He/she doesn't like me because of the look he/she gave me.”
b) Fortune telling: We can engage in fortune telling when we predict that a situation will not have a positive outcome without looking into it/having strong evidence to support it.
Example: Someone who is fortune telling might say/think: I don't want to tell him this because I know he's not going to understand.

Tips to minimize jumping to conclusions:
If you find yourself jumping to conclusions, ask yourself: What facts do you have to support the conclusions you are making?

You can use a THOUGHT RECORD to help you work through your negative automatic thoughts, if you wish.

Thought Record Exercise:^[5]

Thought records are helpful because they:
• 1) Make us aware of our negative automatic thoughts.
• 2) Help us figure out any problems with the way we are thinking.
• 3) Help us change the way we think.

When to use a thought record:

It is helpful to use a thought record any time you notice a sudden change in your emotions/the way you are feeling. Writing down of how you are feeling immediately helps you be aware of your thought(s) when it is still fresh in your mind.

How to use a thought record:
Step 1:
Situation/Trigger — Write down what happened. Take note of:
a) The date and time (When)
b) The location (Where it happened?) (Where)
c) Who was with you/there? (Who)
d) What happened? (What)

Step 2:
Emotion(s)/Feeling(s) — Write down how you felt in that situation, emotionally and physically.
Describe your emotions using a single word (i.e. sad, happy, angry, etc).
Rate how strongly you felt each emotion you recorded in the above step (a), on a scale of 0-100%.
Describe how you felt physically (i.e. I had butterflies in my stomach. My heart started pounding. My palms got sweaty.).

Step 3:
Thoughts/Images — Write down the thoughts and images that went through your mind at that time. Take note of:
a) What went through your mind during the situation?
b) What were you saying to yourself?
c) Any pictures/images/memories that came into your mind and think about: what did it mean and what you think it said about you.
d) How does the situation affect you or your future?

Step 4:
Evidence/Facts — Weigh the evidence (facts) that support and challenge your thought(s)
a) Write down the thought(s) you want to work on.
b) If you wrote down more than one thought, work on one thought at a time.
c) Rate how strongly you believe the thought to be true from 0% (completely false) to 100% (completely true).
d) List all the reasons you believe the thought to be true.
e) List all the reasons you believe the thought to be false. — Think about:

• i) What advice you would give to a friend if they expressed this thought to you.
• ii) When have you had a thought like this before and it turned out to be false?
• iii) If you were to look back on this thought 10-20 years from now, what would you say to yourself?

Step 5:
Read out loud — Go back and read out loud:
a) Your original thought
b) The reasons you think it might be true
c) The reasons you think it might be false

Step 6:
Weigh the evidence — ask yourself: “Given all the evidence, is there a better way of looking at what happened?”
a) Can you think about the situation in a different/more helpful way?
b) Have you been too harsh on yourself/others?
c) Is there a different way of thinking about the situation that could help you reach your goal?

Step 7:
Write down your new thought(s) (if any)

Step 8:
Compare and reflect
a) On a scale of 0-100% rate how strongly you believe your new thought and old thought to be true.
b) Reflect and take note of how you feel now compared to how you felt before. What do you notice?

***Remember: It can be difficult to realize when we are engaging in some form of unhelpful/negative thinking because often times our thoughts can feel so immediate/automatic and true. For this reason, it is important to pause, breathe, and reflect on: what we are thinking, why and consider the evidence we have to both support and challenge our thoughts.

Focusing on the positive/brighter side of things is generally a good thing, unless we are using positivity to avoid dealing with our negative emotions. This is when positivity becomes toxic or unhealthy. The term toxic positivity refers to rejecting or denying any stressful or negative thoughts, feelings or experiences we may have.^[6]

Toxic Positivity can include the following characteristics:^[7]

• 1) Pretending your life is perfect.
• 2) Refusing to talk about your problems and/or concerns.
• 3) Telling people they should stop focusing on the negative or bad thing(s) that happened.
• 4) Having a tendency to blame people for the problems they are having.
• 5) Believing that bad things only happen to people who don't put in effort or are in some way(s) flawed.
• 6) Not being able to express your emotions/keeping your emotions in/to yourself.
• 7) Rejecting/avoiding negative thoughts and feelings.